Day 1 - Saying Goodbye to the Fear of Writing

I've posted before about my annoying tendency to get bored and quit a writing project half-way through. I absolutely drive myself crazy when this happens (which is quickly followed by self-loathing, depression and the feeling that I'll never complete anything). It's usually because I'm stuck and a shiny new idea has presented itself. I suddenly start thinking about the new idea all day long, and promise myself I'll just jot down a few notes. The next thing I know I'm talking myself into putting the other one on hold because it's just not as great of an idea as my shiny one.

Unfortunately this doesn't end with me finishing my shiny new idea. All it results in is me getting extremely frustrated because I can't decide which project to finish. It's almost like a paralyzing fear. I will literally go days or weeks without writing anything because I simply can not decide which project to work on.

It's not like I'm at a loss for ideas either. I have tons and tons of novel and screenplay ideas. Way more than I could ever write. So, why am I paralyzed by this insane fear? Is it a fear of choosing the wrong project? Fear of it turning out to be crap? Or maybe it's the fear of actually succeeding then having to do it just as well (or better) again.

All I know is that I'm sick of it. I'm sick of not writing every day. I'm sick of letting my stories and characters hang in limbo because I simply can't decide what to do.

I not only want to write every day, I will. It doesn't matter if I only have five minutes at the end of the night to write in my journal, but I will write every day (and grocery and to-do lists don't count). And I will be creative about it. I want and need to be creative every day. Otherwise I'll be just what I feel I have become. A forty year old wannabe writer, instead of a forty year old productive writer.

Today I took my first step toward my new goal. When we moved into our new house, I took a spare room on the third floor and turned it into my writing studio. I have all of my books, candles, incense, art work, and notebooks up there. I painted it my favorite color purple, then proceeded to never go up there. I have lots of good excuses for why I don't write up there: It's boiling hot in the summer (yes, there's an air conditioner but then I have to actually plan it out and turn it on ahead of time), it's freezing in the winter (same as above only it's a heater), and I can't leave my four year old son two floors below me to watch tv while I write in a secluded part of the house. That one is true, but it's not like my husband works 100 hours a week. There's no excuse as to why I can't go up there. When I was up there today I felt a strange anxiety. Like the room expects me to produce amazing material. I'm not going to let that feeling scare me anymore. I'm going to write every day, and hopefully, it'll be in my studio.



So I went up today and put white Christmas lights around the window and Dream sign. I also added two sets of cute string lights with little lanterns on them around the room. I bought them last spring and never hung them up. It looks so cool up there now. I loved having the bright lights off and the soft glow of the new ones. It was cozy and really felt like a place I can write.

Every day.