Paranoid

We have an alarm system that I'm still getting used to. I've never lived in a house with one before, though I've set off a few cleaning houses.

Last night around 2:00am the monitor in our room beeped telling me the outside door had been opened. I jumped up in bed and reached for my husband. "Did you hear that?" I asked, my heart racing.  He wasn't there. It was him letting our dog, Speedy, out. It took me a while, but I fell back to sleep.

A few hours later I had a dream that my husband, Mike, went downstairs to check out a noise. I suddenly heard him screaming and fighting someone off. He yelled for me to hit the POLICE button on the alarm. In my dream I didn't know which one it was and it was too dark.

Again, I woke up with my heart pounding, sure there was someone downstairs.

Mike slept next to me, not a care. I kept glancing over my shoulder to make sure the red light on the alarm box was on.

Suddenly I heard a noise, like someone walked into our creaky dining table. My heart thumped loudly and I froze. Slowly I crept out of bed and to the bedroom door. I opened it and tip-toed into the hallway, listening. I didn't hear anything and after a few minutes I climbed back into bed.

Just as I started to doze again, I heard the noise again. This time I was sure there was someone downstairs who, somehow, had gotten through our motion sensor. Just as I was about to investigate again, I heard the noise, louder this time.

It was Mike.

He was farting in his sleep.