Then and Now

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I went back and read my very first blog post from July 2009. It's like reading someone else's life. I can feel the excitement in that post. I was preparing to direct a short film I'd written. Working on that film is still a highlight in my life. 

At that time I was 39, had a 3 1/2 year old son we'd just adopted, and I was writing constantly...comedy sketches, novels, screenplays (both short and long). And we were cleaning 3-4 houses a day.  Back then I read books on writing, listened to podcasts while cleaning (yes, way back then), and audiobooks all on writing. 

Fast-forward 12 years, 8 months, and 14 days, and I'm nothing like that girl who thought about writing stories all day. 

Now my days are filled with chasing my 2 year old, arguing with my 16 year old, and trying to pay enough attention to my 11 year old who gets lost in the middle. I simultaneously want more kids and miss the days of only having one. 

Our house is always loud now. Like unnecessarily so. The kids yell, laugh, fight, and just plain talk loud. And my husband usually has an album playing on the record player because, "Why not? It's already noisy in here."

I watch old videos from 2009 and our house was incredibly quiet. No wonder I was able to write so much. 

Looking back on here, I've noticed I wrote a lot about ADHD, which I was sure I had. I still think I do. My doctor at the time wouldn't let me get tested. I have no idea why or why I didn't leave and never go back. I have a new doctor now and had an appointment to get tested for ADHD in March of 2020. We all know what happened then. The doctor cancelled my appointment and now I have no idea who it was even with. But it's something I'm going to pursue again.

These past 12 years have been filled with kids. Lots and lots of kids. And that, honestly, burned me out on life in general. It aged me in ways I wasn't expecting. Doing emergency foster care for two years was rough. Mainly because our then-two year old adopted son didn't know how to communicate well with us so his needs weren't being met like he needed them to be. After another tearful visit to his pediatrician, she suggested we take a break with fostering. So we immediately closed our house. And he got so much better. For two years we focused on him and our seven year old. 

Bu the summer of 2017, I was missing babies and wanted to talk to my husband about fostering and possibly adopting again. I had to time it just right so I waited until we were in Disney World, relaxing in the pool to bring it up. He surprised me by saying yes immediately. 

Within the next two years we had five newborn baby girls. The last one we adopted this past December, and we just closed our house for good last week. 

Maybe for good.

Probably. 


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