The other day I was in our local grocery store, Wegmans, with my son. We got in line to pay and there were two people ahead of us paying with a food stamps card. I always feel bad for people, like they're embarrassed.
When we have foster babies we use WIC for their formula. I always feel embarrassed paying with WIC checks because I hold up the line. Plus, I feel like everyone's looking at my cart thinking, "She can afford *insert unnecessary grocery items here*, but she can't afford to feed her baby." I always have the urge to say, "I'm a foster parent. I'm not poor." But, of course, I don't.
Anyway, we waited patiently while these people tried to pay for their items. Their food stamps card only paid for a certain amount, and they needed to come up with about $5. The lady tried to pay with a credit card but it didn't go through. Then I really felt bad for her.
I was just about to tell her I'd pay for it (to save her embarrassment and help her get out of the store), when I glanced in her cart. It was filled with beer, pop and potato chips. That's it. Just that stuff.
I don't know if I was right or wrong, but I didn't say anything. Afterwards I sort of felt like a jerk, but that feeling comes and goes. She ended up paying with cash and left.
Was I wrong?
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17 comments:
dont feel like a jerk...I would have done the same thing except when I realized that it was beer and pop I would have taken it back. I have no problem helping out people buying food or even bottled water - but not beer and soda, that stuff is a privilege not a necessity to live
Lisa, I am a cashier at night and see this every night.The good news is that foodstamps will kick out the beer. That's what they were trying to cover with the credit card. The chips and pop will process though. It's sad. I think about it a lot and wish there were more nutritional guidelines with food stamps, just like WIC. It's always something when you see them whip out the cash for the cigarettes and beer afterwards...
No...you're not a jerk! Plain & simple.
You are absolutely not a jerk! For proof, see Nicole and Mary's comments! :-)
Beer, pop and potato chips? Nah, you are not a jerk. I agree, if someone was trying to buy necessities like milk and baby food, I would offer to pay the difference for them, but not for junk food!
I don't think there's anything wrong with the direction you took. No reason for you to enable her, you know?
If it'd been meat or milk or some real sustenance, that'd have been different.
No guilt, lady.
Thanks guys! It makes me feel better to know I'm not alone:)
You're totally not a jerk.
I was stuck behind a lady trying to pay with WIC vouchers at our Giant, and I was so annoyed at either the program or Giant, not sure who was responsible...apparently, WIC requires Juicy Juice, so the lady had to put back her Hi-C. I understand that they want people to buy 100% juice, but it wouldn't allow her to buy store brand apple juice or Welch's grape juice either. It would only allow Juicy Juice, which the store was out of. She was so embarrassed and frustrated...just wanted to get juice for her kids.
Sorry to hijack your comments. Like you, I'd have offered to help a person who was short on money, but not to pay for beer.
CDP, the list of what you can and can't get through WIC is crazy. I've embarrassed myself a few times getting the wrong juice or cereal:)
Lisa, I had to learn this lesson the hard way. You can't take care of everybody. Believe me, if I could, I would.
But, beer is not a necessasity, neither are the chips and pop if you want to be honest about it. She had the cash to pay for it, she knows her situation and is knowingly living like she wants.
You have yourself and you family to think about, would she have done the same for you?
Not a chance, you were not wrong... I was inline the other day and the same thing happen. I felt bad and was going to offer to pay, and then he bought a carton of cigarettes with cash instead of paying for the food that didn't fit on his card... what a joke! I used to smoke 2 packs a day, so don't give me that crap "it's an addiction" WRONG it's a choice.
Sometime I hate the welfare system, but what you going to do?
You are totally not a jerk.
I am a little shocked they were doing that. Wow.
You're not a jerk. If they can't afford beer than they shouldn't be buying it.
On another note, what are foodstamps? Does your government give them to poor people?? I'm really intrigued.
I admire you for being a foster parent and I'm totally fine with people using the WIC to pay for baby food. But beer? Why are they even allowed to use them for beer - disgusting. See how judgmental I am. I've never been in line when someone used food stamps though - so I don't know how I'd react, but I don't think you're a jerk.
You're not a jerk. Unfortunately people don't always make the best choices in their lives and this is probably one of those examples.
I try not to judge people for those choices because I don't know what it's like to be them and I haven't walked the path that they've walked but I wouldn't feel guilty for not enabling what I felt to be a bad choice in their lives.
This is a great post and comments on ethics and moral decisions. I catch myself being judgemental sometimes and I get so mad at me. Who am I to dictate what someone is buying, or not, or how they're living? I would want to whip out some cash, too, to help someone, especially a mom, but how do you know that act wouldn't add to the humiliation. I keep thinking, my job is to show love, not judgement. I can ask someone if she wants/needs help, or I can use patience and compassion. You used compassion and understanding, knowing what it feels like to stand in judgement.
No you're not a jerk. I wouldn't said or offered anything either.
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