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My Name is Lisa and I Write Crap

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I used to be so afraid of writing something horrible, that I wouldn't write anything at all. I'd have a half-hour or so to myself and instead of getting as much down as I could, I'd type, delete, retype and delete again. I had to have perfect sentences formed from perfect ideas. It didn't work. It took me years to finally learn to just write anything. Even if it's crap (and it usually is first time around). But I'm finally OK with writing a crappy first draft. If it's still crap when I'm done, well, that's another problem all together. I used to think, What if I died tomorrow and my family found this notebook full of god-awful first drafts? They'd think I was a terrible writer! If I can write only awesome sentences, they'll realize what talent I had and be sorry they didn't take more interest in my amazing stories... or something like that. Anyway, now when I start writing a story (whether it's a novel or a screenplay) I just ...
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Yet Another Embarrassing Confession (you would think I'd have run out by now)

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The absolute worst part about being a writer for me is grammar and punctuation. With every post I put up, every email I send and every story I write, I am waiting for someone to come back to me and say, "Seriously? How can a writer not know where to put commas?" Commas are my enemy. I have no clue where they go. I try to put them where I think would be a natural pause in a sentence, but I know I'm usually wrong. I basically toss them up in the air willy-nilly and let them land where they want. Can you recommend a grammar/punctuation book that is easy to understand? (I never took a "real" English class in high school, so I'm starting fresh). The Elements of Style is too...sterile for me. I need something I can easily grasp onto. I'd greatly appreciate any, suggestions. (<< that comma was a joke. See, at least I can joke about my ignorance)
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Out of the Closet in 1st Grade

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I went to #30 school for first grade. Every morning I walked by myself down Otis Street to the school. There were always a bunch of kids outside the door waiting to get in. The older mature (10 years old) security guards wore their safety belts guarding the doors. No one was getting past them until it was time to go in. One morning when I got to the doors there was no one there. Not one kid was outside. I was super late. Or so I thought. I ran through the doors and down to my first grade classroom. It was completely empty. I wasn't late, I was early. Instead of going back outside to wait for other kids to show up, like a normal person, I decided to climb into the coat closet and sit on the floor and wait. I don't know how long I waited in the dark on the floor, but eventually I heard kids coming into the room. I nonchalantly slid the closet door open, stepped out, hung up my coat and sat down. If I looked suspicious, no one ever said anything.
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